


Lessons learned

by missmills



Series: Elise Hall series [2]
Category: The Gentlemen (2019)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adrenaline, Angst, Comedy, Death Threats, Drug Withdrawal, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gang Wars, Gentle Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Kissing, Panic Attacks, Sarcasm, Serious Talks, Tenderness, Threats, Trust Issues, Vomiting, druggs, really good bag of chips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmills/pseuds/missmills
Summary: How dangerous is it to love someone when death is on the table at all times for both of you? Is it really best to only rely on yourself?Exploration of how much does it take for Michael to completely lose it and Raymond to run out of his patience through an OFC.
Relationships: Mickey Pearson/Rosalind Pearson, Raymond Smith/Reader
Series: Elise Hall series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975054
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Lessons learned

**Author's Note:**

> To those who appreciated the relationship between Elise and Mickey in the first story, I have good news - and to those who came for more of Raymond vs Elise, I say welcome. You're in for a real treat.

“ I can drive.” Michael sighed heavily, narrowing in his seat as he woke up.  
“ I’m fine boss, we’re nearly there anyway.” I answered quickly and he looked outside.  
Another sigh.  
“ I’d kill for a chips. Pull by the bar?” He looked at me, meeting my glance but I didn’t really answer. I didn’t have to – it wasn’t a question. We were on the street anyway, so I just stopped where he wanted me to, taking the five-pound note he handed me and running across to get his chips.  
It’s been over two years since I got the job of Michael’s secretary slash sometimes-a-driver slash assistant. With Raymond on the dirty work, he wanted someone clean looking, professional, and kind, someone who, as he described, looked fragile enough to calm the fuckers down but tough enough to stand up to them. That description, we all found out, I fitted - and he luckily understood my inexperience enough to allow me be imperfect, polishing my skills in the process.  
So I followed him around to some of the meetings and played the silent role of a softening element; something, he once jokes, I did point out his fine wool suit can’t do. We did run into a few problems every now and then; including this time.  
We drove up north, meeting one of his lords on the way which was part of my duty, stopping by one of the bushes, which I did go see out of curiosity and finally heading for a meeting with a new contact who would participate in distribution to some of the Northern states via the good old fish market.  
Not that Michael needed the extra business, but some Dundee motherfuckers seemed to be running a low profit resell off the boats, and it grew. It got back to him and surely, the idiots dared to spice it down too. Rather than starting a war with local gangs, he thought taking over would be much easier.  
Anyway - the last meeting almost got to be the last ever; we didn’t drive in because it was too quiet. Michael made me drive past, calling his contact. We were shot at as I sped off and made it out just fine.  
“ Thanks love.” Michael said after unlocking the doors for me and taking the chips.  
“ Off to home then.” I hummed to myself, driving off “Oh, wait I got you a napkin.”  
“ So.” He looked at me when we stopped in front of his house.  
“ So.” I nod my head in silent question when he stayed quiet.  
“ Who recommended the fisher?” he finally looked at me.  
“ Jameson.” I answered, reaching back for my bag to fish out the papers “There,” I handed him the printed-out e-mail, which he took, reading. Always better to have a copy of some of the less incriminating mails, I found out.  
“ And?” he asked.  
Oh fuck I hate when he does that. His little learning tests.  
“ I’ll tell Raymond to check him out?” I tried my luck. “Send someone?”  
“ Could be, yeah.” He nod his head, giving me the paper back “You want the rest of the chips?” he took the napkin, cleaning his fingers off.  
“ I’m not hungry.” I lied. With a heavy sigh, he stared outside the front window at his house, his lips twitching with a growing smile.  
“ See you Friday then.” He glanced at me and we got out.  
I drove off in my own car, taking the chips and trying a few before deciding to stay hungry was a better idea.  
The first thing I did two years ago was finding me a small cottage near the edge of some tiny village near; luckily this area was full of them and with some help, I moved in quicker than I thought I would.  
To my surprise, driving up to it now, I noticed Raymond’s car by the driveway and lights bright in the house.  
Little shit.  
“ Ray?!” I called from the doors “The fuck are you doing here!” He was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, reading some tiny book, raising his eyebrows when looking up to me.  
“ Take your guess, you loud fuck.”  
“ Oh no!” I made a surprised expression “Someone sat in my chair! Dear me, someone drank my tea!” He stood up, not very amused. “Have you slept in my bed too?” I mocked him.  
“ You hurt?” He ignored me, coming over and I backed away.  
“ Why would I be hurt.” I asked quickly, kicking my flats off and throwing the high heels I had with me for the meetings on the floor.  
“ Michael texted you two were shot at.” He answered.  
“ From a distance, now be a good boy and drive over to Michael’s to ask him the same question, please.” I gestured for the doors and after a short while, he did leave through them.  
I listened to his car leaving and sighed heavily.  
What was he thinking?

Everything was a haze.  
Kind of funny too. But mostly a haze.  
“ Easy there.” Someone laid their hand on my chest, right under my neck.  
“ Is she awake?”  
“ What is this.” I groaned.  
I didn’t recognize much when opening my eyes - some guy and one other, with a third one standing somewhere further away. Maybe there was a fourth one too. Some fancy room and light from the window… perhaps a faint smell of something burned.  
“ I think I know you.” I whispered, pointing at the guy who held his hand on my chest.  
Closing my eyes, I frowned.  
Ugh.  
“ What did I have? I feel demented.” Saying that was a bad idea, I thought instantly.  
Then something in my arm moved funny and I began falling asleep again, except I didn’t realize it at the time.  
Between all the crazy stuff in the dreams, I began recognizing the little things that made sense, until the reality finally came knocking some sense into me again.  
The room I opened my eyes to was nice. Too nice. Like I wasn’t supposed to be there - it had dark green walls and tall windows, spacious. The furniture, as I found out when sitting up, looked expensive.  
Fuck my life. Honestly.  
There was not a single piece of clothing in sight and I had some black silk nightgown, one size too big, on and an IV in my arm, the empty end stuck to my skin with tape. That meant whatever they were giving me was admitted regularly and over some period of time, planned out - and made easier by the IV.  
My muscles felt numb, but I didn’t wonder for how long I’ve been out; I remembered very little from before and didn’t care either. It wasn’t important right now.  
So. I didn’t know where I am, this was not my nightgown, they admitted unknown drugs into my system with apparent regularity and I lost track of time successfully along with some memories. Obviously.  
The good news was I wasn’t restrained, which means there might be someone behind the doors. The bad news was I recognized nothing when looking outside the window; just random countryside view from the second or maybe the third floor. This was an old house, definitely, so maybe I’m at some Mickey’s former lord place? I came to learn that anything was possible in this world; perhaps I was taken by Mickey’s enemy of some sort.  
Somebody was obviously in competition with us.  
Okay. Find a weapon.  
There was a ball pen at the table… or perhaps I could take a hanger from the dresser? Luckily, some dry-cleaned coats hung in the closet, on those cheap wire hangers and I quickly got one, twisting it and narrowing. Wire always hurts if met with skin and pointed well, it would take an eye out too.  
If I’m in the country, there will be a car standing in front of the house; so, sneaking out and stealing a car could work out fine.  
Plan of action: Out of the room, look around, find car keys, steal a car, drive away.  
I went to the doors, knocking on them. If there is someone there, they will get confused, right, and open the doors, which I will expect, so I’ll have an advantage in the fight.  
Luckily for my sore muscles, there was nobody outside and I sneaked out into the hall, moving quietly and slowly around, listening to anything and everything. The house was quiet and quite cold. I managed to run toward the end of the hall, looking outside and gaining no extra clue as of where is this place, making my way back to the doors, listening, before going in the opposite direction, and looking down the grand stairs.  
Car keys. There was a bowl with car keys by the doors. All I’d have to do was get down unnoticed, grab one (or two, in case of trouble) and get the fuck out.  
Getting down the stairs I listened again, hearing nothing much and making my way to the dish, slowly, quietly, taking two of the keys.  
And then. Finally. Because this thing would be just too easy, I heard the steps, turning to look …  
“ Bunny?” he froze, looking at me, unsure “The fuck are you doing here?”  
“ I should ask the same.” He said, coming towards me and I swung the wire. He tried to catch it but it was too quick and too slippery for him, so all he did was groan and hiss, though not minding it when grabbing my arms and immobilizing me.  
“ Snitch.” I hissed, kicking him away from one of my hands, swinging the wire against him again, and reaching after the doors before he grabbed me again.  
“ Could you… Ouch.” He hissed when the wire hit his forearm repeatedly.  
“ Stop it!” Some shouted and I quickly turned, seeing Raymond run down the other stairs “Fuckin’ hell.” He sighed “Elise, you absolute ignorant, what were you thinking.”  
Bunny let go of me, using the moment of surprise and taking the wire.  
“ The fuck is that?” Raymond frowned at the wire as he reached us, resting one of his arms on my shoulder as if to make sure I won’t slip away.  
“ Looks like a hanger, gov.” He examined it, giving me a confused look.  
“ Good to see your sharp sense is back.” Raymond turned to me, sarcastic, “next time use your head through.”  
“ Well I’m sorry if I tried to escape an unknown house unnoticed,” I answered as he pushed me to go upstairs again, making me go in front of him. “Besides, how was I supposed to know where am I?”  
“ What’s happening?” Rosaline was upstairs, frowning and our looks met “Ray?” she looked to him for an explanation quickly.  
“ Elise here tried to fuck off without a goodbye.” He said.  
“ I didn’t know where I am.” I defended myself quickly.  
“ Understandably.” She tilted her head, looking at me. “Get her back to bed I’ll call a doctor.”  
Raymond didn’t answer, only just pushed me toward my room and once there, to my bed.  
“ Ray.” I protested, annoyed “Where am I, please, will you just end my suffering? What happened?” I climbed on top, turning to see him stand there with his arms folded on the chest, displeased.  
“ You were kidnapped and heavily drugged, now just be manageable for a moment and stay in bed.”  
“ Where am I and why.” I gave him an annoyed look  
“ Michael’s country house, we all retreated.” Ray answered, going on when seeing my clearly confused and annoyed expression “You two were shot at and then you were kidnapped, clearly someone is trying on Michael’s life more successfully than usual if they got to you too.”  
I face-palmed myself, shaking my head.  
Someone knocked on the opened doors and Raymond turned to Michael strolling in.  
“ Well hello there.” Michael slowly came to stand next to Raymond “Did you just try to run away?” He seemed amused and waved his hand when I opened my mouth to defend myself.  
“ Think we should get a baby monitor for her.” Raymond said.  
“ Funny.” I groaned.  
“ Did she have a hanger?” Michael ignored me, looking at Raymond who gave him a nod. “Gotta love the creativity.” He shrugged, nodding his head “Right, so. Do you remember what happened then?”  
“ No I don’t, boss.” I answered “And I’m sorry to interrupt the moment both of you waited I don’t know how long for, but before we put together the missing pieces could I get something over the nightgown? I’m feeling a little too exposed.”  
Raymond smirked, raising his eyebrows, saying “Too bad.”  
But he quickly took his cardigan off, handing it to me when I shot him a look - which was met with Michael’s amusement again. He got a chair from the table, sitting down near the bed, Raymond coming to stand behind him.  
“ Okay?” He settled comfortably “What’s the last thing you remember?”  
“ Coming home, I think.” I said, “After… after we were shot at - we stopped for your chips and I drove off, nobody followed me, I’d notice; it was late in the night anyway, right?” He gave me a nod.  
I met Raymond’s look but the amusement from before was now gone and I couldn’t read anything off him.  
“ Raymond was there, I sent him away quite rudely…”  
“ Apology accepted.” He quickly said  
“ Wasn’t mean as.” I shook my head  
“ Children, behave.” Michael stopped Raymond from answering.  
“ And went to bed.” I stopped, frowning, searching in memory “And that’s it. I can’t remember anything then.”  
“ Well, we did notice you’re gone on Thursday evening, that’s nearly twenty-four hours out.”  
“ Right.” I looked around again “Sorry how … how long was I out?”  
“ Few days. Two ? So that’s three in total - is it.” Michael looked up to Raymond who gave him a nod  
“ So. It seems, right, that I was taken that … who took me?”  
“ Jameson’s associates.” Michael answered, “They tried to blame the Russians.”  
“ What Russians?” I frowned, not remembering we had any Russian business  
“ Some random Oligarch with dirty money in his pocket, we got in contact. They actually came to us first, we just followed up.”  
What did that mean? Did they start a war while I was out or what?  
“ So someone is targeting you.” I tilted my head, “means Ray got attacked too?”  
“ In a pub.” He gave me a nod, “it blew up.”  
“ It blew up?” I raised my eyebrows “Ouch.”  
“ Was that a serious concern?” He looked at me in mocking disbelief.  
“ Could you flirt another time please.” Michael said, still with amusement in his tone.  
“ All right.” I shook my head quickly, “It all started with the new northern states delivery deal, right. Jameson is now then but it’s obviously going on. Can be the fuckers who started the mix club and a resell of boats. Were there any death in those six days yet on either sides?”  
I caught a strangely concerned look from Raymond but paid little attention to it.  
“ No. Not yet.”  
“ Then we’re in a dead-end, right.” I shrugged. “Waiting?”  
“ You don’t remember anything.” Michael leaned forward “absolutely anything.”  
I sighed, heavily, trying to search in my head.  
“ No.” I frowned “it might come back, though - I don’t think I’m repressing… was I… how did you get me back?” Michael leaned back with a scuff, pointing at Raymond  
“ Me and Bunny tracked you out.”  
I hummed, scuffing.  
“ Thank you then, I suppose, and the … the blown up pub came after that?”  
“ Yes it did.” He nod his head, not acknowledging my, this time sincere, gratitude.  
Michael looked at me, frowning as he thought, he knew what I was prompting.  
“ Okay.” He said, clicking his tongue “I believe Rosalind called the doctor…” Stopping, he noticed I parted my lips, frowning. “Yes, what is it?”  
“ Why didn’t they shot at us when we stopped for the chips.” I said “if they followed, which again: I highly doubt, because I’d notice… Just a thought.”  
Raymond was looking at me somewhat alarmed again, I thought, but it was gone in the next second.  
“ That’s a good point, thank you, for that.” Michael stood up and I could hear someone coming outside the doors “Now, you rest and…” a knock came “Oh Phillip, yes, hello, I was just wondering where you are.” Michael smiled at the doctor “, the sleeping beauty has woken up.”  
“ Right, yes, hello, have you seen the nurse?”  
I gave Raymond a confused look.  
I have a nurse?

I sat up, panting for air and kicking the blanket away, quickly realizing where am I.  
Not a shipping container.  
No.  
A bedroom.  
Michael’s estate.  
Okay.  
Not a shipping container.  
The doors swung open and I quickly jumped out of the bed on the other side from them, looking at the figure coming in quickly.  
Raymond turned the lights on, dim, and I eased.  
What a fucking idiot I am.  
“ Are you all right?” He asked, coming closer  
Why?  
“ Elise?” he was heading to me and I raised my hand, stopping him.  
“ I’m fine, just… probably a nightmare, just go.” I climbed onto the bed again, expecting him to leave but when I looked up, he was standing by the bed still, looking at me “What?” I asked, growing annoyed  
“ You screamed.” He answered, “quite loudly actually.”  
“ Well, I’m sorry to bother you and glad I haven’t woken up anyone else. Please go, I’m going to sleep.”  
But he stood there still, looking at me until I raised my eyebrows. Finally, that made him leave, turning the light off.  
No need for him to see me through a panic attack.  
None at all.

The doctor told me to take it easy, so naturally, Michael insisted on not giving me any clothes, hoping it would stop me from wandering around since I only had the nightgown - well, two at this point.  
He was right  
He also insisted on me not getting involved with any dealings and work, so I was left alone in my room, with a stack of books to choose my read.  
When I asked for at least two bottles of wine, I was only given amused look.  
So, not very happy about the situation I found myself in, I tried to make the best out of it by actually doing what I was told - stay in bed and read.  
Through… through I kept falling asleep.

Someone was holding my hand, I realized, and I was frowning, shaking, overheated, and my breath heavy.  
“ Easy there,” Raymond whispered when I opened my eyes, looking up to him.  
Groaning, I closed them tightly again, turning. He let go of my hand, pressing the back of his palm on my forehead.  
“ I should have known since you didn’t protest.” He said.  
“ Stop being a rude dick.” I heard myself answer, feeling the book I was reading dig into my shoulder as I laid on it, throwing it away - and on the floor, apparently.  
“ Stop being unmanageable cunt then.” He sent the ball right back “But you do have a fever, so I’m letting it slide just this once.”  
I felt him get up and before I could even think to stop myself, I felt my hand reach after him.  
He stopped when I caught his trousers’ leg, looking at me, but I realized what I’m doing by then, letting go.  
“ Sorry.” I murmured.  
“ You’re starting to scare me.” He said and when I opened my eyes again, he was frowning.  
“ I feel drugged,” I complained  
“ Pleasantly?” He smirked and I thought about it.  
“ Don’t know.” I took a sharp breath in, swallowing dry and looking at the IV still in my arm “What are you doing?” I asked when he took his shoes off.  
“ A favor.” He got on the bed, climbing over me, and taking a place against the wall, laying me against his chest  
“ I don’t…” I meant to protest, but he didn’t let me, and I felt too tired and sluggish  
He wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“ Why did you come?” I asked, closing my eyes.  
“ Michael sent me.” He shifted a little, holding me close “To check… hey Bunny, could you call the nurse?”  
“ And Michael?” I opened my eyes, seeing Bunny at the doors.  
“ I’ll text him.”  
There was no answer and I felt like dozing off, listening to Raymond doing whatever he was doing on the phone.  
“ Is something happening?” I asked.  
“ Just some dealings with Russians.” He said and I felt his chest under me raise in a sigh  
“ Izacks speaks Rushian.”  
“ Russian?” Raymond corrected me  
“ What did I say?”  
“ Rushian.”  
“ Sounds the same,” I complained as he chuckled.  
“ How do you know Izacks speaks Russian?”  
“ Month ago on a job, someone shouted after him and he answered. Probably just to fuck off, I don’t know.” He held me down and I heard steps, opening my eyes to the nurse.  
“ Don’t move it’s okay.” She said when Raymond was about to let go of me “Miss Hall? How are you feeling?”  
“ Sluggish.” I answered “A little sick maybe, tired… weird.”  
“ I’ll take a blood sample all right?” She walked over to the table where the equipment was “It might be just the last of the drugs.”  
I opened my eyes, blinking a few times into the light and looking at her coming back.  
“ What drugs.”  
I knew that whoever kidnapped me drugged me down but they couldn’t take it all the way if they wanted a ransom, right? If hey wanted me dead there are other ways – so what drugs?  
She gave Raymond a quick glance, probably hoping I wouldn’t notice - and I nearly didn’t, because she didn’t hesitate with an answer.  
“ Some calmer the doctor gave you.” She answered, drawing the blood from the IV “I’ll call him to check, all right?” smiling she blocked the tube and the sample, walking to the table and leaving again.  
“ Probably why you had a nightmare too.” Raymond answered, “You’re just waking up.”  
“ Please stop insulting me,” I repeated what he liked to tell me when she left.  
“ It’s far more important for you to rest now.” He answered.  
His phone vibrated and he picked it up, reading something and not answering.

I woke up to voices and dimmed lights. The doctor was there, talking in a rushed voice and I felt sick, sitting against Ray’s quick protest. I remember vomiting into a bin, crying out in despair. None of them went away when I sent them and I didn’t even know who’s there before Rosalind rushed in, shouting everyone out and helping me into the bathroom.  
“ What’s happening?” I asked when my stomach gave up after few empty and painful attempts “Ray wouldn’t tell me anything.”  
She seemed somewhat torn, stopping with the fresh towel in her hands.  
“ They gave me something, right.” I wiped my mouth with the old one.  
“ Some fucked up cocktail.” She agreed, finally. “You were close to overdose when they found you, it had to be done.”  
“ And you thought not scaring me would do me best.”  
“ Ray’s idea, mostly.” She tilted her head “But he was just the one to have the guts to voice it.”  
I rubbed my forehead, annoyed.  
“ Take a shower, I’m not holding them forever, especially Phillip.” She left the towel in, walking outside, “and leave the doors open, I’m not letting you faint in the shower and hit your head.” She added when seeing me reach for the doors.  
I could hear her open and quickly close the doors and some voices, her harsh disagreements, and when she came back later, she left a blue nightgown in the bathroom for me.  
The doctor, Phillip, was already there, with Michael who listened to everything he said, sitting on my bed, and as I headed to lay down, hunched over, he only gave me a quick glance.  
As I turned, I caught him looking at my partially exposed back - where my scar was - realizing he hasn’t seen it himself yet.  
“ So,” the doctor turned his attention to me “I’m going to give you a little sedative now, Elise.” He took an injection from a bedside table that he got ready before, probably, and I looked up to him, “ it will do you good to sleep, Ray reported you were uneasy.”  
“ Snitch,” I commented, but nobody smirked or commented.  
“ No.” Phillip protested, to my annoyance “he’s done the right thing, lay back, it does have quite the kick.”  
“ Michael?” I shifted my look “Where did they hold me?”  
“ Have you remembered anything?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise, and I gave him a nod “Some old warehouse down Tames, why.”  
“ Shipping container. It reeked of piss.” I said  
“ Is that the nightmare from the afternoon?” Michael asked while Phillip pushed on my shoulder to make me lay down.  
“ Ray really needs to learn to shut it.” I groaned, not digging the flat angle, and shifting to curl up a little  
“ And you need to start telling us things a little more, Elise, look where you’ve ended up.” I frowned, supporting myself on one elbow, much to Phillips dismay, frowning. “You do realize this could have had been avoided have you agreed to better protection?”  
“ Are you trying to blame…”  
“ No.” he interrupted me, his eyes turning a dangerous shade of threat “You’re not on your own anymore, you don’t need to rely on yourself only.”  
“ Boss, how am I…”  
“ Do not.” He sighed, containing himself and I quickly withdrew “Do not ’Boss’ me, Elise. This is personal.”  
I scuffed. He honestly had some guts to start this argument.  
“ Oh is it.” I swallowed dry, sitting up again. “So when you choose not to mention that they’ve fucked me up and I had to be drugged up - that wasn’t personal, right. You decided not telling me about the withdrawal effect I’m probably going to go through in the following…”  
“ I was making the battle easier for you.” He said, his voice almost calm, which only angered me further.  
“ By not telling me how severe it is?” I spat out.  
He stared at me silently, expressionless.  
“ How is that helping? How am I supposed to prepare for what is coming if I don’t know what was? You taught me that.” I pointed at him, noticing Rosalind lurking at the doors  
“ Well, then it is about a prime time I teach you how to rely on other people too, for both yours and our good.” He stood up, looking at me and I couldn’t think of what to answer back.  
“ I just hope it won’t cost me my life.” I finally answered, cursing myself for giving in.  
“ Are we done then?” He asked and I groaned, looking away “Good.” With that, he left, taking Rosalind away from the doors with him, and Phillip finally made me lay down.  
He was right.  
It had quite the kick.

I woke up feeling sick again, seeing I’m on a half-empty dripper, thinking that Phillip really is a good doctor. This was basically a homemade hospital room. It got a little better when I sat up and a nurse came in while I concentrated on breathing it out.  
“ How are you feeling, Miss Hall?” She asked, coming closer.  
“ Not so grand,” I answered  
Fuck this shit.  
She pressed the back of her palm to my forehead and made me lay down on a side with a thermometer, finding out my fever was skyrocketing. As I laid there, in silence while she tidied up a table near the window, I could feel my heartbeat almost painfully, weird, feeling strange.  
“ Nothing to worry about.” She said as she looked at the thermometer “the temperature should easy away with what’s in the bag, you’re doing good, better actually.”  
She told me to try fall asleep again, or to rest at least until the bag is finished, going away again and I curled up a little, glad I’m not feeling so sick anymore.  
I don’t know whether it was because I listened to my heart more now, but the pain did not go away. Quite the opposite - and it was starting to get really hard to breathe, so I laid on my back, spreading my arms, coughing instantly.  
All, right. So anxiety or panic attack. I closed my eyes, trying to think of something nice, something to look forward to, but I was beyond this point and began naming things I can see and feel, my mind becoming more and more scattered.  
I moved to the bathroom, taking the dripper with me, and thought of taking a shower, which always calmed me down, but the mere thought made me feel even sicker. Desperate not to vomit I brushed my teeth quickly, but it didn’t help either, so I went back to the bedroom, sitting in the bed and hiding my face in my palms.  
What the fuck was happening?  
What is this?  
Was there a… was there a button bell? Or a bell?  
What the fuck was in the bag?  
Was I supposed to just yell or what?  
“ Help.” I said out loud, closing my yes “Please!” I raised my voice. “Please?”  
I felt so fucking pathetic.  
The nurse rushed in, asking what’s wrong but when I raised my eyes to her, I saw Raymond come through the doors too, holding them open and looking at me.  
“ My heart.” I said “gesturing at my chest, the panic beginning to seep through “It’s doing funny things.”  
“ What funny things?” She turned around “Sir, could you please call the doctor?” Ray only gave her a nod, disappearing and I protested loudly as she tried to lay me down.  
“ I feel like I’m going to be sick,” I said  
“ It’s only just a feeling, you’re going to be all right.” She said, probably trying her most calming voice, but it didn’t work, too.  
There were quick steps outside the bedroom in the hall and I looked up to see Phillip arriving with Ray right behind him.  
“ What is it?” he asked, rushing to me, seeing my gestures and probably a very distressed look.  
Pathetic.  
“ My heart hurts.” I said and he clicked his tongue, quickly taking some notebook that laid on the bedside table, looking into it and directing the nurse to prepare some drug “It’s not very regular either, I don’t know, it feels like a bad case of a panic attack.”  
“ Do you suffer those?” He asked as if only to make a conversation while reaching after the stethoscope.  
“ Used to.” I gave him a nod  
“ Right, try to breathe clearly, all right. And stop, hold.” He pressed right above my heart, holding my shoulder and I noticed Ray disappeared.  
Hope that little fucker isn’t fetching Michael.  
Luckily he came a moment later, without him, closing the doors and standing near.  
“ When did it start?” he asked  
“ I only just noticed.” I admitted, closing my eyes as soon as he distanced, rubbing my forehead “Can you make it stop please.” I pleaded, starting to feel it was getting worse.  
“ Yes, Yes, do not worry.” He said, “I’m giving you a very small dose of something to bring that down, but I can’t take it all away.”  
When the nurse disconnected the dripper, administering something, Phillip went to tell something Ray who returned, but I only cough him saying to “call him then”, looking back at me and leaving as Ray rested a hand on his shoulder, heading to me.  
“ Please go away,” I said when he pulled one of the chairs closer to sit down. He said nothing, only sighing heavily and looking at me. “Ray, please, leave me alone, I don’t have space in my head for you right now.”  
“ Yes, you do.” He answered, tilting his head and I closed my eyes tight, turning away.  
He kept quiet and I thought maybe that will do it, but it didn’t give him long to start talking.  
“ I want you to listen to me.” He said, and I didn’t react. Maybe if I don’t give anything back he’ll grow discouraged. “We both know you like me.”  
“ That’s a wild overestimate.” I looked at him.  
He raised his eyebrows, choosing to ignore me otherwise.  
“ And we both know that liking someone in this business is a very dangerous thing.” He added, leaning forward.  
“ Ray I honestly don’t have the space for this right now,” I whined, resting my hand on my heart, almost as if to protect it.  
He noticed, coming closer with a chair, and pushing my hand away, replacing it with his. I tried to fight him but he didn’t let me, pushing against my chest as if to add weight.  
“ It helps.” He said “Pressure.”  
“ It’s stupid.” I groaned, feeling like the biggest idiot.  
“ Then don’t make it.” He said.  
But he was right.  
Either the drugs began kicking in or it really helped - and I doubt it was the drugs.  
He sat there, silently, and I felt his thumb move a little somewhere below my collar bone.  
“ Did you have a fight with Michael?” he asked after a while and I looked at him “Rosalind told me.” He added when seeing the question in my eyes. For an illegal drug circle no-one seems to hold their tongue behind their teeth, I thought.  
“ It wasn’t a fight,” I admitted and he laughed  
“ What was it about?” he wanted to retrieve his hand but I quickly caught it and he stayed, not commenting it.  
“ Nothing much.” I lied. He pulled his hand away again and I whined “Fine, jeez you’re such a scum. He threw a fit over my privacy requests.”  
“ Oh finally?” Ray laughed “You know, he complained ages ago - when you bought the cottage.” I was frowning at him as he returned the hand on my heart “he said you strongly refused to have security cameras and checkups.”  
“ It’s a tiny fucking cottage.” I whined, “Ray, please, just… just… stop.”  
“ All right, all right.” He shifted “Take it easy, Elise, you’re fine.”  
“ Thank you.” I rubbed my forehead, feeling a little numb “Think the drugs are kicking in.”  
“ You want me to sing you a lullaby?” he mocked me  
“ Oh fuck off.” I sighed as he laughed.  
For a moment, we sat in silence and I thought about what he said, wondering if he’ll just keep his hand above my heart for any longer.  
“ I would miss you,” I said finally.  
“ Going where.” He asked  
“ I don’t know.” I shrugged.  
“ Well.” He shifted again “You’re lucky I’m not in the mood for any exit.”  
I wondered if he saw any sense in the conversation because I wasn’t sure.  
Thought I did.  
Perhaps I just made myself less clear than I imagined.

I don’t remember being much conscious thought the following day, nor if what I saw was real. I could hear music somewhere in distance every now and then and tried not to follow it.  
Finally, things began making more sense by what seemed to be morning; just as I drifted out I began drifting back. I could recognize the nurse and the doctor, Raymond too. It was strangely difficult to make sense of everything, and speaking, breathing, or talking felt like I was underwater, drowning with air.  
The haze began to die with sunrise.  
Raymond sat by my bed, reading something out of the book. At first, I thought I’m still hallucinating but when I reached after him, he caught my hand, giving me a glance and a smirk, continuing to read.  
Yeah. Definitely a hallucination. It was Roald Dahl but Raymond styled with swear words.  
“ Red.” I said and he stopped, looking at me, waiting before asking “You’re wearing red. You never wear red.”  
“ Would it be that sleeping beauty woke up finally?” He closed the book, turning to me.  
“ Am I late or what?” I teased, closing my eyes again.  
“ A bit yeah, you had one fucked up night. The day too but mostly the night” He chuckled, and I heard him shift a little.  
He called the nurse who drew blood before the doctor came too, but I was slipping again.  
“ Why were you reading?” I turned to Raymond who came to sit on the other side of the bed when they left.  
“ It calmed you down.” He answered, “my voice did, we found out.”  
“ Oh fuck that’s embarrassing.” I tried to hide it with a chuckle, closing my eyes, tired, “sorry.”  
He chuckled, shifting.  
“ Just honest, Elise. Honest.”  
I didn’t want to fight and with that thought fell asleep again. Not a bad sleep.  
A good sleep.  
I felt good.  
It turned out I wasn’t completely out of the woods yet - I woke up maybe an hour later, overheating and uneasy, to Michael sitting in a comfortable chair next to my bed, looking somewhere down.  
He didn’t notice and I had a moment to think what to say, glad.  
“ Sorry.” I finally decided.  
He raised his eyes to me with one of his unreadable expression in them. He really was the king of the jungle.  
“ Be specific.” He told me, narrowing a little.  
“ I don’t know.” I groaned, annoyed, “Just generally, isn’t that enough?”  
“ No.” He snickered, “I don’t take half-assed apologies, Elise, you should know that.”  
I groaned again, getting up on my elbows, looking around. It was sunny outside and I wish I felt like walking.  
“ Can I think about it a little longer?” I asked. He shrugged, looking outside the window too. “I think I figured it out, by the way,” I said then, laying back.  
“ Yeah?” he asked, not showing any excitement. He and his cool, it’s crazy. How does he do that? Rarely showing his cards when it mattered the most. We all should be glad he does not play Poker.  
“ White meat market.” He raised his eyebrows “The shipping container reeking of piss.”  
“ Right.” He nod his head, humming.  
“ Whoever got their eye on the north must be in white meat market as well. Maybe the resell was their new quick business too.”  
He sat there, silently, as if waiting for something and I thought. It was nice, I realized after a while. This silence, his closeness. It was different than Ray. Raymond was… He was right, saying I like him and that I’m afraid of that. And I do suppose it was similar to Michael, yet different in a sense that I didn’t… I wasn’t so afraid. Of that. Of what he could mean because… I guess there were limits. It wasn’t so messy.  
“ I’m sorry,” I said and he stared at me, silently. “For being a burden.”  
“ I’ve chosen you.” He said then, shifting “I’ve chosen you, Elise, you don’t get to be sorry.”  
“ You know, Raymond told me… well he said, that first weekend, you remember?” He hummed in answer, “said that death comes naturally. In this line of work.”  
“ You’re not dead.” Michael pointed out  
“ And not crippled too, so can we celebrate that?”  
“ Elise.” He narrowed, sighing heavily, “let me, please, be at least partially responsible for your life. Look around, where you are, and do me the favour.”  
“ Michael?” He didn’t interrupt me “you didn’t choose me.”  
“ I would have killed you, surely you must know that.” He quickly answered, his lips curling in an almost mocking expression  
“ That’s not what I’m trying to say and you know that.” I groaned, “don’t take away my free will.”  
He stared at me silently for a moment.  
Man are such idiots, I thought.  
“ I promise to try.” He gave me a nod. “You really are a challenge sometimes.”  
“ You wouldn’t have me otherwise.” I laughed.

I woke up shaking, scared out of my mind, not recognizing where am I. The smell lingered and closing my eyes did not help at all. The doors opened and I got out of bed instantly, backing away, the tears finally overflowing.  
It was so much better when I didn’t remember.  
God, this hurt so much.  
Raymond came closer, stopping for a moment, before heading toward me quickly, decided.  
“Don’t touch me.” I said when he got to me, sending his hand away “Don’t!” I yelled when he ignored me, backing and crashing into the table, trying to rid myself of him, screaming.  
“ It’s all right.” He tried to calm me down, but it wasn’t working, so he backed away “Just breath, Elise, just breath.”  
Someone at the doors turned the light on, dim but it stung in my eyes and I quickly closed them, turning away.  
“ Elise?” Ray asked, coming closer again - luckily because my knees just gave up and he caught me. “I got you.” I’ve heard him whisper. “Come on.”  
He got me back to bed, sitting me on the edge before and holding my hands.  
I wanted to send him away.  
“ Should I get Phillip?” Michael somewhere behind me asked  
“ No,” I whined instantly, trying to show Ray away and managing to, actually, a bit. He looked at me confused and almost angry “please give me a moment.” I shook my head “Wait. Wait.”  
They both looked confused, worried when I looked up to them again and Michael instantly realized what happened.  
“ Fuck.” He turned away, rubbing his forehead, the realization coming to Ray too.  
“ Meat smugglers.” I said “I was right. And they’re new. There’s still too much secrecy about them.” I paused, taking a breath. “They didn’t plan on letting me out.”  
“ New. Looking for opportunities.” Michael agreed, ignoring the res. looking somewhere above me. “Creating opportunities.”  
“ We have to act quickly, we may be behind already.”  
He looked at me then, nodding his head and I felt my breath starting to calm down as he checks the time.  
“ Okay, you.” He pointed at me “Back to…”  
“ No.” I protested instantly  
“ I’m not fighting…”  
“ Then don’t.” I interrupted him, driving his patience short  
“ Elise.”  
“ Excluding me isn’t responsibility.” I said  
“ God I swear.” he turned away again, annoyed.  
Ray looked at us both confused, probably also alarmed by how I talked to Michael  
“ You can’t hide me, Michael, they mustn’t know they succeeded.”  
“ Enough.” He whispered  
“ And! I remember I know where to...” I said, feeling the shakes.  
“ Enough!” He turned to me, starting to sound dangerous “Thank you, for your opinion.” Michael said almost mockingly with a forced calmness “Do not make me drugg you down.”  
I gave him one of my ‘You wouldn’t’ looks he was benevolent enough to allow, but luckily for me he did not react to it this time.  
“ If she tries to run, tie her down, I do not care.” He told Raymond before leaving “I’m taking Bunny.”  
“ Have you lost your mind completely?” Raymond raised his eyebrows, speaking quietly when the doors clicked.  
I shrugged.  
“ Would be a great excuse,” I answered.  
He shook his head, taking a deep breath before looking back at me studiously.  
“ You okay?” he asked and I gave him a nod, feeling dirty.  
“ I need a shower.”  
I knew it was all gone but I felt disgusting.

* * *

I mean, I could stay away.  
Run.  
Never to return.  
All that - but honestly, what fun is that?  
But, to defend my obviously ill judgment, I was already standing in front of the pub, following Michael there, so it was easier to just walk in.  
“ Hey, Bobby.” I waved hello. His obvious confusion should have had told me something, but I dismissed it. After all, he only ever saw me well dressed - sweatshirt was something he has not seen on me yet so perhaps that was it “Boss Is up?” He gave me a quick nod and I run up the stairs quickly.  
A smell of coffee… hmmm…  
Raymond saw me first, his eyes hanging somewhere above mine, probably looking at the patched forehead, and I quickly touched the patch to see if it wasn’t bleeding through.  
Michael, standing at the table with a cup of coffee, finally noticing that there was somebody at the doors and looked up, his expression instantly dropping in temperature.  
I knew that one. He was angry.  
“ Look who decided to crawl back.” He raised his eyebrows, standing his coffee on the table.  
Raymond closed the folder he was holding, swinging back and forth on his heels.  
“ What do I owe the pleasure?” Michael questioned.  
“ So I…” I looked away, licking my lips and quickly looking back to him.  
Raised eyebrows. He really was angry.  
“ So, as you noticed, obviously… a few days ago I went to see our new friends.” I started again quickly “The ones that blew the other pub with Raymond in it, right, and kidnapped me.”  
“ After I explicitly told you to not. In fact,” god was he angry “I threatened you, Elise, I threatened you openly…”  
“ Well, Ra…”  
“ I will FUCKING CUT YOUR TONGUE OUT….” He forced himself to stop, breathing in sharply and I was glad that there was a table between us “… If you interrupt me.”  
Right.  
“ Raymond you stay right where you are.” He added when hearing him want to leave.  
He flipped me, but I didn’t want to find out whether an eye-roll in his direction would make Michael send the table away, so I just stood by the doors, trying not to breathe.  
I never saw him this angry, I realized - and wondered whether coming back really was a good idea.  
“ Did you kill the fucker.” Michael asked and I wondered which one was he talking about.  
Not brave enough to ask the question out loud, I opted for a simple nod.  
Then a lot of things happened at once.  
Michael did flip the table - but also pulled out his gun and only because I jumped away the bullet missed me.  
Raymond too was shocked and momentarily deafened - I saw how he crotch down, holding his hands to his ears.  
“ THEY DOESN’T KNOW!” I shouted, hiding behind the wall, but Michal was already at the doors, the gun at my head. “They don’t know I swear,” I repeated, but I knew nothing got to him.  
He was enraged, angry beyond reason.  
Keeping it shut was a way better idea than trying to defend myself at this point.  
“ You disobeyed.” He said “You’ve run away! Went AGAINST MY EXPLICIT ORDER AND WISHES!” I closed my eyes, breathing through the nose. His voice fluttered right there, he was soooo far beyond his point of self-control, not only reason.  
Christ, he’s going to kill me.  
“ Look at me, Elise.” He ordered me and I did, not hesitating - through afraid of the rage in his eyes. “I want you to see, what does it look like.” He whispered, the danger dripping like honey “when you make me mad. You’ve ENDANGERED EVERYONE…” I cried, forcing myself to keep looking at him “AND everything.” He added and I slipped, my eyes running away for a moment before he shouted at me again “I SAID LOOK AT ME!”  
oh my god.  
“ Because I want you to… I want you to see me mad.” He smiled, quite mad, hostile “so you know never to repeat that.”  
Quickly giving him a nod, I hoped it would be enough.  
“ You got that?” he asked.  
“ Y… Yes.” I said.  
“ Yes what.”  
I hesitated  
“ Yes WHAT.”  
God.  
“ Yes, boss.”  
For a moment, he just stood there. Before backing away and I thought that even though I was pressed against the wall for support, my knees will give up and I’d fall.  
I didn’t dare to allow myself not, through - nor to cry.  
He stepped away, breathing deeply and I watching him carefully, hoping that that was it.  
“ Runaway once again like that, Elise.” He said, considerably calmer “And I pray you won’t think to come back.”  
Does that mean… does that mean…  
I felt tears running down my cheeks.  
He stood no chance against the fuckers and would not listen to me either.  
He had no real people to go against them with the force it required.  
There was no army on our side.  
I was the only one who could take them down and he wouldn’t listen to me.  
“ Raymond?” Michael asked, looking at him, throwing his head in my direction and he appeared at the doors in a moment, looking at me. “Take her home, she needs to think of what she’s done.”

He was angry with me too. I could tell.  
Silent, he restrained himself from throwing me on a back seat, though he was rough and I wasn’t brave enough to talk - so we drove in silence all the way to his house.  
He parked the car inside and without a word left, locking me in.  
Was he going to come back before the night?  
I tried the pockets on the back of the seats, seeing if there perhaps was a knife or a gun but luckily, he did come back quickly - opening the doors and grabbing my shoulder.  
“ I won’t run.” I protested, but he didn’t pull me out - he threw my back against the seats, grabbing my leg and forcefully lifting my leg, surprising me.  
Then something whipped around my ankle, he jerked it closed and it clicked, beeping loudly.  
An Anklet. Actual Anklet.  
Quite tight, almost painfully.  
Jeez.  
Grabbing both of my legs he pulled me closer, forcing me to get out of the car.  
“ Ray…”  
“ In.” He said and I followed, trying again as he was closing the doors.  
“ Ray I’m sorry I…” To my surprise, he grabbed my jaw.  
I bit my tongue, tears again jerking out of my eyes.  
“ Sorry.” I tried to say but all that came out was an incomprehensible murmur.  
He let go, almost throwing me against the wall in the hall in the process and I looked at him, breathing hard.  
I did expect him to be angry, but he was honestly taking this way too personally and much harder than I thought he would.  
Stepping closer he reached after me again and I quickly sent his hand away.  
I didn’t need to take his anger - not in that volume at least, but even though he paused, he did not stop - managing to press his forearm against my chest, forcing my back against the wall this time.  
“ It’s time to stop.” He said, but I kicked his side, managing to throw his hand away, and backed from the hall towards the kitchen.  
“ It wasn’t personal,” I said, backing away as he went after me much slower than I expected, his hands up in defense - through I could tell he was angry as well, still. It seeped through since the moment he led me outside the pub, and it did not leave.  
I hit the kitchen aisle with my back, and he used the moment of surprise, grabbing both of my hands, overpowering me through I did slip him quickly, backing away further between the isle and the cabinet.  
No way he’s fooling me.  
I snickered, mockingly, seeing he’s already breathing hard.  
“ Don’t make this harder on us Eve.” He said, coming after me and grabbing my hand, wanting to force me out of the kitchen.  
“ Let go!” I grunted, slapping his forearm as he clutched me much firmer.  
He didn’t and I hissed, my back hitting the blunt massive ending of the staircase railing. He didn’t mean for that, obviously, letting go and I used the moment to throw him away, sending him back as I run to the hall, toward the opened doors to the living room.  
“ It wasn’t personal, Raymond, I wouldn’t… He’d be dead for fuck’s sake, will you just listen!” I was growing impatient.  
He didn’t - listen, stepping closer again and grabbing my shoulders - not firmly enough through, I easily slipped again and he reached after my arms now.  
I knew what he was doing - he was trying to contain me.  
Men do that when they know they can’t win the argument.  
“ Stop it!” I yelled.  
“ Bloody Hell Elise!” He finally cracked “Just stop already!” not minding my slaps and hits, he finally immobilized me, pressed against the wall - and he was breathing heavily.  
“ Neither of you had an idea what you were going into!” I yelled, still fighting him. I was determined to make him listen.  
“ You were HURT!” he yelled, “You could have had died you, insufferable idiot!”  
“ You’d be dead too!” I shouted as I slipped him again, even if not for long.  
It was me who was without a breath now, as he threw me against the back of the sofa, holding my forearms in front of me.  
“ Michael wouldn’t listen you know that Ray I …”  
He pressed his knee between my legs, holding both of my wrists together and managing to hold his other hand against my mouth, shutting me down.  
Ray got me.  
I was trapped, almost hanging over the edge of the sofa.  
Sighing deeply, he stared at me, silent for a moment, and I realized I’m crying, again, my cheeks wet. My breath was shaking, considerably harder than his, completely vulnerable to him. He had me - I could kick and hit and cause trouble but he had me; he was stronger than me, even if careful not to show it and finally made clear that he wasn’t afraid to use a force.  
Shaking, I realized that as the anger and frustration were leaving, the worry was slowly replacing it. A worry that I wouldn’t admit, and I knew what was coming, trying to contain it.  
Letting go of my hands first, he pressed his finger against his mouth slowly in a silent gesture, taking his other hand away.  
His anger left too.  
Not breaking an eye-contact, he reached, careful, to my forehead, probably wanting to take the patch off to see the wound. I sent his hand away - and again when he insisted, trying to show him off me completely as the tears began betraying me, but he didn’t let me.  
Raymond grabbed my face, his breath steady unlike mine, and forced me to look at him. His eyes lingered over mine and then just as I thought my knees would give up, not supported by the adrenaline in my blood any more, he gently, softly, pressed a kiss against my lips, distancing immediately to look out for my reaction.  
My knees did give up and he clutched me closer, sitting me up on the back of the sofa, holding my waist to steady me would I fall.  
Honestly? I thought I was going to pass out, breathing out deeper than I was breathing in. Dragging my suddenly limp hand up and realizing I’m not able to do any damage, I rested it on his shoulder, feeling ashamed and he leaned closer again but hesitated.  
“ You were shot at.” He said, not forcing me to look at him “You were kidnapped.” I closed my eyes, another set of tears building in them, “drugged heavily, went through withdrawal.” I wished he would just shut up but when I looked at him I knew I had no authority in the situation anymore.  
God. I was shaking.  
“ You’ve run away.” His voice dropped with residue anger “You’ve killed a guy - and you came back to face the wrath.”  
“ Sorry,” I whispered so quietly I thought he didn’t hear it - but I was awarded a sigh in answer.  
“ Just stop.” He shook his head “Please, Elise. Stop, it’s over.”  
I slipped my hand on the nape of his neck and he pressed his forehead against mine, sighing deeply again - because he finally convinced me to give it up and he knew it.  
“ Ray.” I whispered, closing my eyes “Could you kiss me again?”  
He stayed where he was and I wondered if he wants me to beg for it, looking at him.  
“ Are you going to pass out?” he asked and I took a shaky breath.  
“ Probably, yeah,” I answered  
And he did. Fast, but gently, he paused to let me breathe, but didn’t stop until I whined, resting my head on his shoulder, panting for breath, shaking violently.  
Raymond let me down and before my legs could give up completely and led me around, sitting me on the sofa, ignoring my apologies.  
“ Are you hurt anywhere else?” He said when sitting on top of the coffee table to face me, finally getting his hands on my patch, ripping it away to see the cut underneath.  
“ I don’t know,” I answered, breathing hard still.  
“ I need you to know.” Ray insisted  
“ No, I’m not.” I whined, “I took a shower there was no blood.”  
“ Right.” Sighing he distanced, looking at the sorry state I was in and I closed my eyes, not wanting to face it. Face him. The world too.  
“ He’s really mad, isn’t he,” I whispered.  
“ Yeah.”  
And I crushed against the sofa, sighing, wondering which one of us will come around first.  
“ Just don’t do it again,” Raymond said, resting his palm on my knee and I slowly nod my head, resigning. “You risked too much.”  
“ I came back, though.” I shrugged hopefully, looking at him and away quickly. "For you. Too. So..." I pleaded silently - but he heard and when I looked at him again, there was a soft smile playing across his lips before he got up, leaning in to kiss me again - his elbow against the sofa behind my head, his other hand at my waist. 


End file.
